The Day I Lost My Joy

The other day the devil stole my joy.

Yup, he did.

Right under my nose.

I woke up feeling

anything but joy.

I didn't find the

little people in my

house one bit amusing.

My heart didn't

even melt

when I watched my

2 girlies walk

hand in hand

to get the mail.

All I heard was

the neighbor hollering

out her window

at my dog to go home.

And I was annoyed.

She only ran in the ditch

on their side.

Does the neighbor have

nothing else

to obsess about?!

And the list of things

to do grew longer and longer

in my mind

and began to spin in circles

and chant and laugh

at me

and dared me to attempt

to get everything done.

It spun me a web

and I got lost in it.

I leaned my head

in my hands and wept

over this mess

called motherhood.

You would think

I would have called

to higher grounds

for relief

but I thought I was better.

Who can humble

themselves to fall

on their knees

and beg for forgiveness

and a new start?

How utterly humiliating.

In fact, in a strange way

I found this web

strangely comforting.

For the rest of

the day I snipped

at this and

snapped at that.

I thought horrid

inconsiderate

un-empathizing

thoughts.

And when my

better half

came through the door

I shoved the

poop machine

and the chatter box

into his arms.

Good bye.

I'll be soaking

my care away

in the tub.

Excuse me while

I grab a diet coke

on my way out.

Tomorrow is another day.

It couldn't come fast enough.

I couldn't wait for

another morning

so I could start anew.

 



Good morning.:) I. wish. I. were. still. in. bed. This morning thing...no can do. Do you gals ever have weeks where the week just isn't long enough. The week is just bulging at the seams. O my word. That's us this week. I hate it. I hate that it was so full. I LOVE what this week brought though!:)

 

Sharilyn and Sierra came to visit on sunday.

My family over Sunday night for Hot Hamburger dip.

Swimming lessons for Georgie every morning this week.

A Monday at the beach with Kate, Sharilyn, Mom, myself and the kiddies.

Pizza at the lake for supper.

Lunch with ange at the park on tues.

sharilyn & sierra left. :( so sad.

planned song service tues eve at grace's house.

dentist appointment wed morn

Got to get my kitchen ready for the people to put grout on my new backsplash.

groceries

went to see Craig and Lyn at folks wed night! How fun!!!

Up with Georgie all night because of one wicked case of swimmers ear.

Thurs morn dr apt for her.

Lunch at mom and dad hodgson with family.:)

home in the aft for naps

back to mom and dads for the first and last supper with craigs and fam before they head to bens.

Home to put the girls to bed

Up and at 'em this morning to get ready to go camping with marks.

it's going to be so much fun. cant' wait.

First we have to go to one last swim lesson.:)

And all the while I'm taking care of these blasted sheepdogs.

Stupid mutts wont sell.

O my word.

bring on the "back to normal" next week.

 

Have a great day.<3

 

 



back in the day

Lots of cousins

lots of food

homemade bread

with real butter

wiener roasts

for lunch

and giant bags of Doritos

from Costco.

The Schwanns truck

with orange Sherbet

Push pops.

orange tang

and pop from

the garage.

Roast beef

with carrots and

potatoes and gravy

made in that

heavy bottomed

silver pot.

cherry mousse

chocolate chip cookies

raspberry and lemon drops

at Christmas

popcorn balls

and thick white cookies

turkey and stuffing

and all that goes with it

passed along the

endless table

that seated everyone

of us.

ice cream cones

from "Town and Country"

Trips to the little

corner store

for groceries.

7-up and peanuts.

 

I wish, even for a moment,

that I could go back

in time

and lean my grubby

elbows on that table

and chatter incessantly

in between

bites of goodness.

 

 

 

 

I'm that type of mother

I'm that type of mother who

has a cat AND a dog.

In the house.

I have found a quarter of

a pb and honey sandwhich.

In my bed.

I have found a wee teeny

little girls hair clamp

In the margarine

and a bag of mini carrots

between the couch cushions.

I have streaks of green

washable marker on

my couch right now.

Lizzy the sheepdog

crapped on the

neighbors deck a

week ago.

Last week I also

found my good silverware spoon

in the bottom of the kiddie pool

and my good Tupperware cup

with the awesome lid

in the shop

with mold in it.
Right now there are chives
from G's little garden
wilting in the drawer
of containers.

Yesterday I found

my good sunday shoes

that I've been missing for

quite some time

in the attic toy box.

I change the girls sheets

depending on how the room smells.

My suitcase from our Mexico trip

is still in a corner in

our bedroom with odds

and ends in it.

I have a growing thrift store

pile in our room too.

That has to mean I'm a

little bit organized, right?!

I've allowed kittens to

be born inside the couch lining

and the cat to move her

kittens into a dresser drawer.

I've thrown some of the girls clothes

away due to being in the

dirty laundry too long and

grown a nice growth of mold.

Sometimes I find the

cat on the table

or tearing through garbage.

I step around dust piles

instead of taking the time

to sweep them up.

There is often a diaper

or two

or four

lying around.

There is even more

terrible things to tell.

 

I can't do everything. Do you still want to be my friend?

 

Jennifer Hodgson



She Went to Bible School

This summer I caught a glimpse

and I felt what It must feel

like to send your baby to school

for the first time.

I had to let her go

all by herself

to play

and learn

and stick up for herself

and to be ok with what

she's been taught

and that she likes raisins

when the rest of the class

thinks they are gross.

I had to walk with her to her

class every morning

and let go of her

soft little hand

and leave without

kissing her beautiful

brown face

because you just

don't kiss your baby

in front of her peers.

 

She bounced out

of the house

Monday morning

with her dark brown her

pulled back into a pony

that swung back and forth

as she skipped to the flex.

 

So go ahead

You little bird

So quick your are to learn

spread your wings

and learn to fly

 make new friends

and be your lovely you.

 

I'll be at home

waiting for 12

to hear all about your day

while your gone

i'll nurse my mother heart

with coffee and cream.

and dream of how I

can take your innocence

and keep it in jar

like fire flies.

 

And do you know what?

You are the prettiest baby girl

I've ever seen.

I'm glad I get to be your mom

and watch you till

your all growed up.

and then some.

 

Jennifer hodgson