Sometimes when it is raining melancholic drops
Of self pity and heartbreak
I wonder if anybody out there will have any
Good things to reminisce about their friend "me"
Over coffee and my favorite brownies.
Or will they give a bitter chuckle
About my red high heels
And agree that "I should have known better
than to wear "that" and will
they sweep all the my mistakes onto
the middle of the table
Like a pile of those brownie crumbs
And sift through them one by one
And have a good yarn about me
Just like I do now about others.
(Shame, shame on me. Dear God.)
Somedays when it is raining melancholic drops
Of self pity and heartbreak
I remember in hindsight
A time in my life when I really hurt.
The first thing I thought of when the sun rose
And the last when the sun rested for the night.
My heart actually hurt.
Like hurt so that if I crossed my arms and
Bent my knees my heart didn't ache so bad.
I longed for the someone like the moon to
Come in and relieve me from this
Just like he took over the sun's job.
But no one could do anything but me
I have to sort it out myself.
Somedays when it is raining melancholic drops
of self pity and heart break
I have to face that "thing"
Face to face again.
Those little warriors inside my heart fight
So hard and long
I'm sure you can hear the battle sounds
If you stand right next to me.
Sometimes when it is raining melancholic drops
Of self pity and heart break
I feed those in my circle
morsels of my poisoned fruit.
I take out my fear
Of not being "enough"
"good enough"
Sometimes when it is raining melancholic drops
Of self pity and heart break
I know I wasn't good enough for some.
I will never be good enough for some.
It shouldn't matter.
but in reality
in my small mind
It matters a lot.
Sometimes when it is raining melancholic drops
Of self pity and heart break
I watch the hurt feelings and questions
run in rivulets.
Jennifer Hodgson
*I don't really proof read or spell check my blog. just saying. lol.
