The Birth of my Beautifuls

Tonight I thought I would write about the births of my two daughters. Every woman believes the miraculous process of birthing their own child is beautiful. And the birth of a baby is beautiful in so, so many ways. But none as beautiful as when it is your own baby. Be it that you bore your own child or someone bore your child for you. New life is....AMAZING!

The evening of October 10 was like any other evening in Stratford hospital...Ian came and went...the murmer of the nurses voices...the beeping of machines. My roommate was finishing up her usual bedtime routines, and me...I wept. Like I did every night. Because I just wanted to go home. I didn't pray. I'd quit in the hospital. I was mad. So I just wept. for everything. A complete mess of emotions. I don't know how Ian loved me those horrid 5 weeks. I wished my baby out. I just wanted home.

Sleep wouldn't come. The usual slight cramping kept me up. London gave me adivan every night to help me sleep. But not Stratford. O no.

Still no sleep. I was tired of crying...Maybe going to the bathroom would relieve the cramping. Was it my imagination or was it getting worse??? Wishful thinking.

I slept fitfully in between bathroom trips in hopes of relief from cramping. I dare not say anything to the nurses. don't wanna be a pain. & why would I suddenly have my baby. I would never get that lucky. in my mind I was doomed to stay here until kingdom come....4am I asked for Tylenol...

8am...Tylenol was of no help. Someone help me... so tired from going to the bathroom and trying different positions so I could rest.

830...I was hooked up with a moniter. contractions were definitely there but not getting worse."Isn't that just great'" my nurse mumbled. I wanted to hit her. I was so angry and grouchy and tired and OUT OF SORTS.  I knew it. false alarm. AGAIN. I called Ian. Dear soul was cleaning school early so he could spend the Monday with me while the Hodgson family went on an outing. A flood of tears ran down my face once again! Dear |Lord, just get me out of here! I just want home!

...Ian came. My comfort. My solace. The only one who even cares.

...Dr _____(can't remember his name.) thinks we need to get the baby out. To little fluid. I'm cramping cause my uterus is "dry." It's irritated. The baby could get infection just like that.

...Dr Bloch disagrees...1 more week, she says. O God! Please, I pray. Please just let me have this baby today.

Dr's conversing in hall....Ian & I sit on the bed not talking. just hoping....

"It seems like a good day to have a baby," Dr Block says as she rounds the corner into triage.

Ian & I look as each other and smile. He holds me and I cry. again. So so emotional. Depressed and delirious. Doesn't make sense, does it!? Well who does when they are near the end of pregnancy. Mix that with being in the hospital for 5 freakin' weeks.

I walked with Rebecca (my midwife) down to the OR. I remember feeling so cold. & nervous. The OR nurses were so kind and understanding. I leaned over the pillow and held really still. I felt the sting of the long needle go into my back...

Slowly, slowly, I lost all feeling from waist down. My chest felt heavy. Like bricks were on me. I couldn't take full breaths. I wanted to panic but both hands were strapped down. Ian came in the room looking like a giant marshmellow. He stood by my head and held my hand. O my word, we were both so nervous. It was our first baby! And he/she were about to be born. I remember him squeezing my hand and consoling me. I remember feeling so happy. I know it's weird, but I was so excited because having my baby also meant I was going home!

I cringed because I felt the knife slide over my lower abdomen...no pain. just feeling. I looked up at Ian and remember seeing only his eyes and they were filled with tears. I squeezed his hand and remember saying "I can't breathe!"

I feel tugging, pulling...& a baby CRYING!!!

I hear "it's a girl!"

I completely break down! I wept audibly in relief and utter joy. I was a mommy!

Ian cuts the cord and holds her. I look at him...a daddy for the first time ever. I'm so proud of him and Georgianna Lynn. My heart was bursting out of my chest.

The rest is a fog...I hold Georgianna for half a minute before they wisk her off to the nursery because she can't breathe on her own....She'll be ok they said.

They brought me to my bed and cleaned me up... I couldn't see her until the next day when the numbness was gone and I could walk. That was weird. I had a baby, but nothing to hold....

On the fourth day they said I had to stay longer because Georgianna wasn't ready to go home yet... They were going to do a test to make sure but they thought she really was too jaundiced. Ian and I had a special prayer sitting on my bed. "Dear Jesus, please let us take our baby home." And he answered that for us. The test came back barely ok.

...Four days later we are on the way home. I'm tired but excited!!! I stopped to say good bye to my roommate. She had a boy a day after Georgie. We stop at Sobey's for formula and I go in and make a purchase for the first time in almost 6 weeks. We drive past all the familiar landmarks. I went into the hospital in summer and I'm going home on a beautiful fall day.

Georgianna Lynn. You are my first beautiful.

...to be continued. Excuse all the mistakes. I didn't proofread.  I'm tired. Sweet be your sleep.

 

My Blogs Beginning   

    

It’s sort of funny. Me blogging. I always have thought blogging would be fun, but seriously, a blog? Who has time for that?! Although, it is therapeutic, don’t you think? Like journaling. But journaling seems more complicated than blogging. Don’t ask me why I think that. it’s all in my head…the cramped hand after filling out a page or two and I’ve always hated writing on the “back” of paper. I need that smooth, unmarked page.

And then my sis in law started blogging and that’s when I made my final decision. I was going to blog. (In this situation, I am the copycat.)

Today is a windy but warm. The skies are gray, a typical Ontario day. I woke up this morning (so late I’d rather not write about that) feeling quite Monday-ish after having friends and family over last night for onion rings, Mexican bean dip, and brownies and after waking up repeatedly for my “littlest little.” And the puppy had to poo at 530. Sigh! I promise you God helps keep mommies eyes open.  I got the girlies dressed and suddenly thought, why not go to my folks for lunch. So I quick cleaned the dog kennel, packed a diaper bag and zoomed off to my parents to be with Grandpa for the afternoon. He is finally home after almost 2 weeks. Now the “chillies” are eating sorbet on the back patio. Natalya (and Sophie, the puppy) are asleep. And me, well, I am taking the chance to start my blog.:)

“…peace is not a place that is free from evil, but peace is found in the presence of God.”
Hugs and kisses to you all.

 

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