If you think my hands are full

If you think my hands are full...

They are.

I have handfuls of 

Crumbs.

Dust.

Grime.

Unorganized closets.

Toys.

Trinkets.

Treasures.

Mountains of dishes.

Clean Laundry.

Dirty Laundry.

Bills.

Meals to prepare.

Groceries.

Snacks.

Juice.

Chocolate milk.

Odors of pee.

And Spit up.

Diapers.

Pull-ups.

Appointments.

Bottles.

Favorite Blankets.

School Route.

School Child's Homework.

If you think my hands are full...

they are.

I have handfuls of

tantrums.

tears.

squabbles.

arguing.

Back talk.

Complaints.

Broken little hearts.

Hurt little feelings.

Nightmares.

Fevers.

Colds.

Flues.
Leg aches.

Night duty.

If you think my hands are full...

They are.

I have handfuls of

Overwhelming feelings.

Tears.
Worries.
Doubts.
Self doubts.
Fears.
Extra fat tissue.
Scars.
Loose skin.
Imperfections.
Insecurities...
Anger.
Sadness...
Hurt feelings.
Broken heart...

If you think my hands are full...
They are.
I have handfuls of
Smooth, soft skin.
Long gorgeous hair.
Large, beautiful, earnest eyes.
Joyful laughter.
Gleeful giggles.
Happy Shrieks.
Small feet with
Ten little toes.
Grimy little hands with
Five small fingers.
Sloppy kisses.
Heartfelt hugs.
Sweetness all around.
Three little people
With mighty big dreams.



If you think my hands are full...
They are.
But you should see my heart...
Light.
And Life.
Gods only son.
The gift of salvation.
Forgiveness.
Hope.
Joy.
 Peace.
And Love.
So much love.

Jennifer L. Hodgson

Sorting Feelings

Sorting feelings can

be so much work. 

Do you ever sit in

the middle of the floor,

crosslegged, with a

cup of green peppermint tea

and start shoveling thru

feelings that are in a

huge wriggling mass

all trying to get to you first

and you just want to scream at them

and slap them into submission

but they are so real?

I just FEEL.

Some are so ridiculous and funny

a snort of laughter

bubbles forth and I wing that

feeling over the shoulder.

Some are so sensible

they refuse to bend.

The next feeling is so  pathetict

that I sit on it so no one sees it.

Then there is the small feeling at the bottom

of the pile that I pull out...

it seems to be feeling a bit

sorry for itself.

Its a quivering, stuttering

feeling that shrinks from

shame when I look at it.

There are the happy feelings of

Peace.

Love.

Joy.

Thankfulness.

Those I tuck back into

my heart with a little smile.

Finally, I feel like I

have this figured out.

But then the last

feeling left is just

sad.

It is even a little broken.

I just hold it.

I dont' know what to do with this sad feeling.

I don't know where to put it.

I even start to rock the feeling

back and forth.

the floor begins to feel hard and cold.

My heart weeps.

My shoulders shake.

Helpless sadness wells

up inside.

 

...I know where to put the sad feeling...

in my heart with

Peace

Love

Joy

Thankfullness.

Everyone needs a little sadness to FEEL.

 

Jennifer

 

 

 

 

 



Dont just look at her

...giving only "half a chance."

Not a chance. just half.

Pharisees they are

attacking characters

under righteousness

instead of touching souls.

slashing pages

of lives well written

because the letters

were a little crooked.

scoffing at the widows

offering and falling

at the miser's feet.

 

so what I'm saying is...

If they would only stop a moment
and not just look at her, but

LOOK AT HER.

Through her eyes

down to her soul.

She is a somebody too.
Made by the same hands.

 

 

Happiness

 

These are my happy things.

Memories that I can carry with me...

Words that I can remember always.

 

..."Mommy when you are grouchy to me,

I'll be grouchy to you.

That's just how it works."

 

Uh huh. I was speechless.

And continued digging up my hosta.

 

"Yes, my dearie, and when YOU are

grouchy to me, I am grouchy to you.

It goes both ways, you see."

 

(giggle, giggle.)

 

My Happiness for today

 

* Georgie pushing Natalya on the swing

* Watching Felicity and Georgie becoming friends

* Lyndsey's blog

* My 7 wriggling sweet happy freshly bathed Lab puppies

* paper plates & plastic cups

* My mom feeling good enough to stop by

* My snipped, weeded, and raked flower bed. Good bye you pathetic hydrangeas.

* Tim Horton's Pumpkin Pie Latte

* October

 

 

 

 

 

It'S BeEEN awhILe... HoW are YOu All?

I haven't written in awhile.

 I haven't had any really amazing inspirations lately.

 I guess I really don't need to, right?

 I can just say hi.

Anyway, sometimes life feels

like if I loosen my fist just a little,

 it'll spiral completely out of control.

 Like a top. or a slinky down the steps.

It feels like that game we played

 as little kids

or with Georgie now;

 you know, where you stack your hands

 one on top of the other

and the bottom hand

always comes out and over to the top.

 And the game gets faster and faster

 until Georgie ends up in a fit of giggles...

Funny how if you apply

life in the fast lane

to that game,

 I very often do not

 end up in a fit of giggles...

More like a collapsed pile

 of exhausted limbs on the bed

 welcoming sleep

 with open arms and a deep contented sigh...

savoring each blissful minute

 that I have until morning...

little morning pitter pats

 of feet and gleeful squeals

and sloppy kisses

 and sweet love pats.

 Happy Sophie yips

and scratching from her kennel.

Hungry Boots at the window

and kittens waiting for Georgie.

 Squirming, excited puppies

leaping and wimpering

at the sound of the food bucket.

Toast in the toaster

  k cup in the keurig.

 A little girlie eating yogurt

 in between blobbing it

 all over and happily,

 quietly drawing pictures in it,

 jabbering to herself

and randomly showing

her belly button to whoever is interested.

To be honest,

life would be easier

 if kids and animals didn't have to be fed.

 Everyone is so hungry in the morning.

 Seriously.

(Ok, I'm kidding. I would never starve my kids. Or dogs. or fish. Ever.)

There are always my pathetic

greenery to water...

to save from a brown & dry death. 

O yes, a million things to do.

A million things to keep my head above.

Instead of caving in and eating 

fun sized snicker bars.

So ya, people!

I'm consumed with life.

things to do (like dishes and laundry)

people to see.

places to go. (groceries)

questions to answer...

like... "what is a jungle like?"

"how do you get married?"

"do snakes have babies?"

fires to put out...

like...cream soda on a keyboard.

and dogfood in the dog's water.

and brand new crayons in the garbage.

Entrance renovations

and baby shower preparations.

(ugh, that rhymed.)

cheesecakes

shopping

friends <3

family. <3

and my little pick me up for the day?!

a white pumpkin from homesense

distressed with gold.

 

Good night!

 

ps. I don't have a fish.

 

 

 



<3 This poem is not about me. I am writing as if I were an individual suffering from depression. <3


Sadder...

and sadder...

I don't know

What is the matter.

 

Feeling...

Feeling...

So much pain

Its slowly driving me insane.

 

Reaching...

Reaching...

But alas!

My small prison holds me fast.

 

Breaking...

Breaking...

My beautiful heart

Lies at my feet broken apart.

 

Falling...

Falling...

Deep dark spaces.

Help me out of these awful places!

 

Help me...

Help me...

I'm broken; worn.

I'm tired and forlorn.

 

Flooding...

Flooding...

emotions over my soul.

I'm to weak to crawl out of this hole.

 

Just love me...

Love me...

I'm all betwixted.

Hold me until I'm all fixed.

 

Jennifer Hodgson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Camping

 

Camping is so fun. SO. FUN.

 We never went camping as a family when we were kids. My parents, mostly dad, isn't a camper. The first and last time I have ever seen my dad in the lake, other than on a boat, is also the first and last time I have seen him in swimming trunks. LOL. It didn't help that the trunks were a cheap pair from Wal-Mart that he quickly grabbed on second thought. He waded out into the lake and the trunks ballooned up around him. LOLOLOLOL. It's just really funny to me.

 

The one time we went camping as kids, was at "Rushing River." We went with two other families. Us kids had a blast. I can't remember the heat that the parents of us kids endured. I don't remember going shopping one afternoon just so we could enjoy some air conditioning. lol. Neither do I remember one family finally sleeping in their air conditioned car because it was so so warm that weekend. I do remember the one family's boxy aero star van over heating on the way to "Rushing River Campground." I just remember the good times...and wishing we could camp again. I was ignorant to the fact that the weekend of camping was a complete nightmare. To them, it was a weekend of endurance.

 

I married a camper. Ian loves camping. we got married with him dragging his (and his brother's) two HUGE, I mean ginormous, dark green totes filled with camping essentials. I eyed those totes dubiously and said "I do" with an agreement stating that we would only camp were flush toilets and showers were extremely well accessible. By now he has me convinced to try Algonquin. BUT (BIG BUT), some conditions apply. We won't be doing any interior camping. I'm not pooping somewhere in the woods while a bear awaits behind some blueberry bush. I will NOT subject myself to be someone some hikers stumble upon and cheer me on amidst snapping pics while I take my dump. No thank you. may I just say that again? No thank you. I am not interested in wading out into the lake to bathe. All the while on freak out mode, convinced of some sea creature taking off with my toes. Nope, I can't see the romantic side of it. at all. Someone enlighten me. I don't see the fun in it.

 

We went camping this summer with friends. And what fun we had. Our girlies had an absolute blast. they were so dirty and messy. They made mud pies and sand pies. It was great fun to see them put their imagination to use. I gave up on trying to get them to take their shoes off before they got in to tent, so it was a dusty tent floor with bits and pieces of bark and gravel. I just sat back and watched them play. we made amazing food. and chatted long into the night. We listened to the racoons prowl around the campsite after dark, looking for scraps. We took walks or bike rides to the flush toilets and hot showers. We spent the days sitting at the lake with diet cokes and skittles, watching the 1.5 year olds shoveling and stirring. We watched the older kids practice their swimming lessons. We enjoyed the calm waters on the kayaks (that our friends shared with us) while the daddies watched the kids. I had never kayaked before. Once I was convinced the kayak would not tip easily at all, I sat back and relaxed. It was SO peaceful way out there on the water. We could see way down to the rocky bottom...

I love it when evening comes and dusk settles over the campground...everyone is making their fires to cook supper. darkness comes and every camper is huddled around their own fire murmuring and occasional laughter broke through. Children have droopy eyes and fall asleep. Bull frogs croak at the nightfall in protest.

..Good times and food was had by all. We ate. a lot. We feasted on breakfast burritos, fries, campfire smores cones (pinterest. you wont be disappointed.), Pillsbury cinnamon rolls baked over the fire (also thanks to pinterest.), taco salad, and monkey bread baked in a Dutch oven.

Georgie begs to go again and I'm sure we will. It's a fun, cheap holiday that is surprisingly not that much work if you keep things super simple.<3

See you at Pinery, any one? <3